Since the cancer, I have never been able to get back to normal. What I mean by normal, is to walk and shop or run the way I did it all my life. Now, I have a vehicle disability card. I get wheel chair assistance at airports and theme parts; climbing stairs is so hard expecially when my knees are paining; the hypo thyroid makes my hair dull; diabetes with high blood sugars make me so sleepy and tired; gout in my body, expecially my feet/ankles & fingter give me huge pain & difficult in walking; knees that need replacing so the gout anti-inflamatory pills help the gout & my knees. If I don't take this pill, I really can hardly walk. It is so hard to lose the chemo weight I gained and sometimes, I just feel like giving up, but I won't, I can't. I have a little guy who depends on me. He himself has many mental disabilities and he struggles to be "normal" every day.
We have a new normal now. The definition of normal is whatever it is for that particular person. We all have challenges in life, some with more than others. Somehow we do make it. I question myself all the time of the quality of life I'm living. I guess I have to allow myself the broader thoughts that there is a new quality of life and I'm living it. It's just that you hate how you aged early and have to work with a broken body. I envy people who walk by me everydayk, in their own little world of where and what they have to do, not realizing that they have a wonderful gift - to be able to walk. I really miss my waking. I use to walk about 10 to 18 kms a day. Now, I'm lucky if I make it up and down the stairs and out to my car. Recently in the last 4 months, I am experiencing psyactic nerve pain on my left cheek and down my leg. WOW, does it ever end!!!!??! Well another thing to work on to improve.
I'm in Ottawa now writing this to you all. Last year I came down with severe psoriasis all over my body. It was from extreme stress over the little guy's anger with his ODD and me not knowing how to deal with it. Thankfully, the IWK mental health kicked in and we had him in Day treatment, then with Intensive Community Team then finally with the COMPASS program where he stayed overnight Monday through Friday. They taught him great skills that are helping us now. He still has a long way to go as well.
Age, disease and stress can alter your life. Take care to find ways to release the stress. This mental health issue can actually cause you cancer & other issues and doesn't do you can good. Find the right stress relaxer for youself, it will be worth it. Don't let your finances get in your way manage them or you'll be sorry. I probably will have to sell my house of 30 years in about 2 years. I won't be able to afford the mortage & bill we accumulated and pay the high costs of our prescriptions. I have a lot of prescriptions and I want to get rid of some but that means getting this extra weight off so I swim. But many days it is so hard to get out of bed, without having to physically get out to the swimming pool. Right now, I'm going to leave now and go swimming in the hotel pool. I'm hoping to make my body feel a little better. Thanks for letting me blow off steam.